Lights, Camera, Middle School! Read online

  “What?” he said, blushing. “It’s just something I’ve been tossing around.”

  I piped up. “So…kind of like an epic? I think we should make an epic!”

  “An epic?” the bat-girl asked. Her name was Lucy.

  “An epic has all these elements. Romance. Drama. Mystery.”

  Everyone nodded.

  “Well done, Babymouse,” Ms. Octavia praised me. “Since you were successful in bringing everyone to a consensus, it only makes sense for you to be the director.”

  I gasped. “Me?”

  Ms. Octavia smiled. “Yes, Babymouse. You.”

  I. Was. The. Director.

  “And since it’s your vision you’ll be bringing to the screen, you’re also going to be responsible for writing the screenplay,” Ms. Octavia added.

  “You mean I have to write it?” That sounded like work.

  She nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, Babymouse.”

  Le sigh.

  I stared at the computer screen.

  Right after school, I had locked myself in my bedroom and gotten down to work. Now, hours later, I only had one line. Who knew that making things up could be so hard?

  Hmmm…Maybe I just needed to channel my inner writer. Into feelings and desires. Like for a softer chair. And maybe a good book and…

  No! I needed to focus! I needed to think BIG. Bigger than BIG. Epic-BIG!

  How did you say “big” in French, anyway?

  That was it! The Eiffel Tower was indeed grand.

  EXT. PARIS—NIGHT

  We see the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

  Whew! That was a good start. Perfect setting. Where would I go from there?

  My stomach rumbled. When was dinner anyway?

  EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ—NIGHT

  VERONIQUE is sitting at a table. We see the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

  A waiter delivers a TASTY CUPCAKE to her.

  My door banged open, and my annoying Little was standing there.

  “Babymouse!” Squeak said. “I can’t find the charger for my WHIZ BANG™. Have you seen it?”

  “I’m busy being brilliant, Squeak.”

  “But, Babymouse—”

  I cut him off. “Au revoir!”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s French for ‘Good-bye!’ ” I said, looking at him. “And close the door on your way out. I’m creating a masterpiece here!”

  He rolled his eyes and left, slamming the door.

  I looked back at my screen.

  EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ—NIGHT

  VERONIQUE is sitting at a table. We see the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

  A waiter delivers a TASTY CUPCAKE to her.

  VERONIQUE

  Merci.

  A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE walks up. He’s tall and wears a hat.

  MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

  Excuse me, mademoiselle. I seem to have lost something.

  The door to my room banged open again.

  “Can I borrow your charger, Babymouse?” Squeak asked, holding up his WHIZ BANG™.

  I shook my head. “Non!”

  (That was French for “No!” I was on a roll.)

  He made a face and slammed back out.

  Honestly, how was I expected to create in an environment like this? It wasn’t at all suitable for being artistic. Maybe I just needed something to get me in the mood? I looked around, and my eyes landed on my own WHIZ BANG™. I put in my earbuds and cranked up some classical music.

  There. Perfect.

  EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ—NIGHT

  VERONIQUE is sitting at a table. We see the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

  A waiter delivers a TASTY CUPCAKE to her.

  VERONIQUE

  Merci.

  A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE walks up. He’s tall and wears a hat.

  MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

  Excuse me, mademoiselle. I seem to have lost something. Have you seen my…

  VERONIQUE looks up from her cupcake.

  VERONIQUE

  Yes?

  MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

  WHIZ BANG™ charger?

  No! No!

  NON!

  AAAGGGHHHHHH!

  This was all wrong!

  NO WHIZ BANGS™!!!

  I put my face in my hands and thought hard. This scene needed something. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it.

  But what? It needed something exciting. Something dramatic. Something exotic. Something epic. It needed…

  ELEPHANTS.

  My door slammed open.

  “Babymouse!”

  I glared at my annoying Little. “What?”

  He shrugged.

  “Mom said to come downstairs. Dinner’s ready.”

  Le grand sigh.

  The next day after school, I bounced into Film Club with copies of my screenplay. Excitement hummed through my whiskers as I passed them out.

  Georgie looked up from the script. “Au Revoir, My Locker?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Au revoir means ‘good-bye’ in French. It’s an existential epic where the heroine reconsiders her place in the world.”

  “Are there monsters?” Wilson asked.

  “Yep!” I told him.

  “Romance?” Penny asked.

  “Check!”

  “Did you include Bigfoot?” Georgie asked wistfully.

  “And troublesome gnomes,” I told him with a grin.

  He smiled. “Thanks, Babymouse.”

  “It certainly sounds interesting, Babymouse,” Ms. Octavia said.

  I beamed.

  “Well, now that you have a script, you can start pre-production. This is the part of the filmmaking process where you organize for the actual shoot. Your crew needs to be assigned to specific departments.”

  We passed the list around the room, and people signed up for various jobs.

  No one wanted to be an assistant. (Not that I blamed them.)

  The crew decided to start meeting at lunch to give us more time to plan.

  Most of the crew I already knew. But I hadn’t hung out with Lucy much in elementary school, although I knew her. She was totally channeling a whole new style for middle school—the Goth look.

  Caden was a complete mystery. He was either shy or just quiet, because he didn’t say a word. Maybe it was a bear thing.

  “Hey, gang,” I said as I sat down. “Did you read my script?”

  They all looked at me.

  “It’s pretty good, Babymouse,” Wilson said.

  I puffed up with pride.

  “Thanks!” I said. “And you know what? I already have the sequel all figured out!”

  “The sequel?” Georgie asked.

  “Of course!” I said. “This is just the first movie. All the famous directors have sequels lined up.”

  Duckie looked concerned. “Before we start talking about the next movie, we should probably talk about this one, right?”

  “Okay,” I agreed. “Hit me.”

  Penny pulled out a notebook of sketches. “For wardrobe, I’m thinking we do lots of period costumes.” She pointed to the sketches. “Skirts, little details.”

  “Those look great,” I told her.

  “What do you think about shooting some of the scenes in black and white?” Lucy asked me. “Might give it a real film noir look.”

  “That sounds great!”

  We were on a roll! And then Duckie frowned.

  “I’m a little concerned about locations,” he said.

  “Why?”

  Duckie flipped open his notebook. “You have twenty locations in the screenplay. And some of them are pretty exotic.” He started to rattle them off. “A spooky forest in Belgium. A café in Paris. A castle in England—”

  “It is an epic.”

  “An epic with no budget,” he clarified.

  My heart sank. “So that means no Paris?”

  He shook his head.

  “What about the castle?”

  “Yeah, uh, no.”

&nb
sp; My whiskers twitched, just as they always did when I got anxious. “What are we going to do?”

  Lucy squeaked, “I have an idea! We can cheat it.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked her.

  “You don’t actually have to be in Paris for people to think you’re there. Make the shot tight!”

  Wilson nodded. “Right! And dress the set with French props so it feels like Paris.”

  I felt better already.

  Then I remembered.

  “Can we still have elephants?” I asked.

  Duckie rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Now that my crew was in place, I needed to cast the actors.

  I taped flyers around the school, advertising the casting call. I figured I’d be flooded with people wanting to audition. Everybody wanted to be a movie star.

  And I mean everybody.

  When I walked into the cafeteria for lunch, I heard someone calling my name.

  “Yoo-hoo! Babymouse!”

  I looked around and could hardly believe what I saw:

  We saved you a seat! Felicia mouthed to me as she pointed to the empty seat next to her.

  I felt like I was in an alternate reality. One where I was cool.

  “This is the best seat,” Meanie said.

  “The very best,” Miney said.

  “Like Queen of the Universe Best,” Mo added.

  I couldn’t deny that I had always thought this was a better table—and it really was. The chairs were padded. There were fresh flowers. And they had amazing condiments: spicy sriracha mayo and soy sauce and pink salt!

  I was in heaven.

  Felicia shared her sushi with me as we discussed everything under the sun. Did whisker straighteners really work? (Sometimes.) Should you ever wear nude panty hose? (Never.) Were black patent Mary Jane shoes fashionable? (Always.)

  At the end of lunch when the bell rang, Felicia smiled at me. “See you at auditions!”

  That was when I realized what was going on: Felicia wasn’t interested in me.

  She was interested in getting a part.

  Typical.

  Unfortunately, it turned out Drama Club was holding its auditions at the same time as us.

  Stupid musical theater. They had such an unfair advantage with their catchy tunes.

  Felicia was the first person to audition for the film.

  “What role are you interested in?” I asked her.

  “Veronique, of course,” she said, flashing her straight whiskers.

  “Do you speak French? I want Veronique to have an authentic accent,” I told her.

  “But of course,” Felicia replied.

  “Can you say something in French?”

  “Oui,” she said.

  Le sigh.

  “Do you have any film experience?”

  “Haven’t you seen my video on the Internet? It has two thousand likes.”

  Of course.

  “Let’s get started. Duckie will read the lines for the Mysterious Figure. Ready? And…action!”

  I had my cast!

  When the first day of shooting arrived, we all gathered after school. I was so excited that I could barely keep my whiskers straight. And they had been pretty straight lately. (It turned out that Felicia knew a thing or two about whiskers. I’d been using a mousse she’d suggested.)

  The first scene was supposed to take place in a spooky forest. Duckie had scouted around the school and found what he said was a perfect spot.

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  “Uh, Duckie,” I said to him. “This doesn’t look very, um, spooky.”

  “Use your imagination,” he said.

  “It’s not working for me,” I told him.

  “Sorry. It’s what’s in the budget.”

  I gave him a questioning look.

  “Free,” he explained.

  “We have to do something!” I told him.

  Duckie looked at the location. “Maybe we can make it work if we dress it?”

  “You want to put a dress on a bush?” I asked.

  “ ‘To dress a set’ means to add props, Babymouse. Let’s see if Wilson has any ideas.”

  Wilson came over and checked out the location.

  “It’s supposed to be a spooky forest,” I explained.

  Wilson scratched his head. “I have some fake cobwebs I can put on the bushes and a few plastic spiders. That might make it a little spookier. But I don’t have a whole forest.”

  “It’s worth a try,” I said.

  But even adding the cobwebs and plastic spiders to the bushes didn’t make it feel spookier. I’m sure the fact that the spiders were neon pink didn’t help.

  “Why don’t you have black spiders?” I asked Wilson.

  He shrugged. “The pink ones were on sale.”

  Le sigh.

  If we couldn’t get the location to work, maybe we could frame the shot to make the most of it?

  I consulted with Lucy, my camerabat.

  “What if we framed the shot really tightly?” I said. “So that we just see the spiderwebs?”

  She made a camera frame with her fingers. “Like this?”

  “Tighter,” I said. “Real tight. Super-duper tight.”

  Lucy looked at me in exasperation.

  “Any tighter and we’ll need to use a microscope to film this,” she said.

  We were using my WHIZ BANG™ to shoot the movie.

  As Lucy and I started to set up the shot, Duckie walked over to me.

  “We seem to be having a problem with the talent,” he said.

  “Which talent?”

  “Felicia. She’s not happy.”

  “What do I do?”

  He shrugged. “You’re the director. Make her happy.”

  I went over to Felicia. She was sitting in a chair and staring at her cell phone. Penny was fluffing Felicia’s whiskers.

  “Just about ready?” I asked her with a big smile.

  She didn’t look up from her screen. “Do I look ready?”

  “You look great!”

  “Well, I don’t feel great.”

  “Oh,” I said lamely. “You got braces.”

  “Yes, I got braces,” she hissed. “And they hurt!”

  “Can I get you something to make you feel better?”

  “You can get me some croissants.”

  “Croissants?”

  She looked up at me. “I’m supposed to be French! Also, they’re soft and I’m allowed to eat them. I’m hungry.”

  “We have muffins on the craft service table,” I said. Craft service is film-speak for crew snacks.

  She snorted. “Nobody likes muffins.”

  “Okay,” I promised her. “I’ll get you some croissants.”

  “Make sure they’re fresh,” she told me. “Not the frozen kind.”

  “Right!” I said, trying to smile. “Fresh!”

  I ran over to Duckie. “I’ll be right back. I have to find some fresh croissants for Felicia.”

  He tapped his watch. “We’re supposed to be shooting! We’re burning daylight.”

  “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

  Make that an hour and ten minutes. Who knew it was so hard to find fresh-baked croissants?

  But croissants were just the beginning of Felicia’s demands.

  She wanted whisker extensions (extra thick); she wanted a new blouse (with a Peter Pan collar); and she needed throat lozenges (coconut milk). And on and on and on. Apparently, being a director had nothing to do with being in charge or having a vision. My main job was herding cats! Literally.

  Finally, I managed to get Felicia to the set.

  “All right,” I said. “In this scene, you’re being chased by Bigfoot.”

  “Why is he chasing me?” Felicia asked. “What’s my motivation?”

  “It’s a dream sequence. Let’s review it.”

  SCENE 3

  EXT. SPOOKY FOREST (DREAM SEQUENCE)

  VERONIQUE is sitti
ng on a bench. BIGFOOT is peering out from behind a tree, looking menacing.

  BIGFOOT

  huff

  VERONIQUE

  What’s that?

  BIGFOOT lumbers behind her. VERONIQUE notices.

  VERONIQUE

  AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!

  VERONIQUE starts running, with BIGFOOT chasing her. The camera follows them through the woods.

  Felicia nodded. “I think I’ve got it.”

  Le sigh of relief.

  “Places, folks!” Duckie shouted.

  “Slate, please,” I said.

  Duckie stepped in with it.

  “Au Revoir, My Locker. Scene three, take one!” he shouted, and clapped the slate.

  “Action!” I shouted.

  Ten takes later, I wasn’t happy. The shot was kind of…boring. It didn’t feel nightmarish.

  “This shot needs something,” I muttered, looking around.

  I had an idea.

  A brilliant one!

  “Wilson, can I borrow your skateboard?” I asked him.

  “Sure,” he said.

  I huddled with my actors.

  “Felicia, when you jump up in fright, start running. Georgie, you chase her. Lucy and I will follow you on the skateboard with the camera.”

  “Great idea!” Lucy said.

  “I know,” I replied.

  We got into our places.

  “Au Revoir, My Locker. Scene three, take eleven!” Duckie shouted.

  “Action!” I shouted as Lucy aimed the WHIZ BANG™.

  Then Felicia took off running with Georgie after her. I pushed the skateboard, and we started filming.